Top 10 signs you’re answering a bad technical support call
#10 You: „Point your mouse cursor to the Start button and click on it, then select Settings, then Control Panel. Are you with me?“Customer: „What’s a mouse?“
#9 Customer: „My computer stop working about once a week.“
#8 Customer: „Your Windows based software is slow.“
#7 Customer: „My Windows is broken.“
#6 You’re supporting adhesive tape products
#5 Customer: „The …onnectio… of your phon….roduct… keeps brea…ing up!“
#4 Customer: „My hard drive’s dead and I don’t have a backup tape.“
#3 You’re supporting a software product which only runs on MS products
#2 The customer’s been yelling over the phone for 4 min. and not yet to the point telling you that what the problem is
And the number 1 sign that you’re answering a bad technical support call is… The contract says: „We answer any questions and it’s FREE!“
Top 10 signs you’re using a bad technical support service
#10 TechGuy: „I’m serving another Bozo at the moment, can you call back later please?“
#9 TechGuy: „How many complaints you’ve filed vs me? … None? Call back later please!“
#8 Answering Machine: „Approx. wait time is… 45 min.“ (actual case, guess which big company starts with „M“)
#7 There’re TV/radio and baby/child crying sound in the background
#6 TechGuy: „I don’t know what it is, whatever it is it’s not our fault!“
#5 The e-mail support service is an auto-reply e-mail and all it says is how to remove the software product
#4 TechGuy: „I’m not allowed to talk to strangers, you must prove who you are by faxing a signed contract along with all your finger prints, we’ll call you back after your identity is approved.“
#3 Answering Machine: „Press 1 for tech support team leader, 2 for supervisor, 3 for manager or stay on the line for the re-fund representatives.“
#2 The tech support number is a 1-900 number
And the number 1 sign that you’re calling a bad technical support service is… Answering Machine: „Press 1 for complaint or wait for one of our 100 tech support complaint specialist available“
Top 10 questions asked by a technical support representative that you don’t wanna answer honestly
#10 Who broke it?
#9 Is your operating system licensed
#8 Have you bring any software from home and install on the computer?
#7 Have you registered with us?
#6 Have you ever follow the proper shutdown procedures?
#5 Did you remove any important files before you lost that report?
#4 Is the problem covered by the warranty?
#3 Have you ever do any maintenance to the computer?
#2 Did you know what you’re doing when the problem occur?
And the number 1 question asked by a technical support representative that you won’t answer honestly is… Have you been trying to fix it by yourself and make it worse before calling us?
Top 10 signs you’re in a bad IT training class
#10 No projector
#9 Your lecturer spent 2 hours to locate the power switch
#8 10 students, 10 computers, 10 input ports, 1 output port, 1 manual switch box, 1 monitor
#7 The photo of the lecturer’s professional training ID looks like Linda Carter but your lecturer is a guy
#6 2 black suit guys with shade are standing at the back of the room
#5 There is a Chinese restaurant ad. at the back of the certificate they give you
#4 The internet access is via a proxy server with a 28.8K modem
#3 No washroom in the building
#2 The lecturer’s hair is pink
And the number 1 sign that you’re in a bad IT training class is… Playboy as mouse pad
Top 10 things you don’t wanna hear from your computer salesperson
#10 You don’t wanna wait for Windows 9x loading!? Don’t worry, you can’t even get it installed
#9 It’ll work
#8 Sir, please don’t touch that mouse or you’ll broke the computer
#7 We don’t have the blue one in stock at the moment
#6 Do you need insurance with it?
#5 Do you have life insurance?
#4 You wanna search? Don’t worry, I just have Yahoo installed in it by myself a few minutes ago
#3 It’ll never hault… (if you can start it up)
#2 I’m sorry that I forget, do you know how to turn it on?
And the number 1 thing that you don’t wanna hear from your computer salesperson is… You want fries with it?