If Microsoft was Headquartered in South Georgia

Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in South Georgia

  • Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
  • Instead of an hourglass icon, you’d get an empty beer bottle
  • Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag
  • Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw”
  • Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
  • The “Recycle Bin” in Winders ’95 would be an outhouse
  • Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you’d hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling “Freebird!”
  • Instead of “Start Me Up”, the Winders ’95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky Heart
  • PowerPoint would be named “ParPawnt”
  • Microsoft’s programming tools would be “Vishul Basic” and “Vishul C++”
  • Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
  • Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
  • Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
  • New Shutdown WAV: “Y’all come back now!”
  • Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
  • Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
  • Microsoft Office replaced with Micr’sawft Henhouse
  • Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver
  • Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire…
  • Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard
  • Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator
  • Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
  • Instead of computer golf, the games of choice would be:
    • Interactive WWF Rasslin’ (That’s wrestling for you culturally deprived types)
    • Beer bottle toss at roadsigns
    • Mud Boggin’
    • ‘Bacca spittin’ at insects
  • Instead of MS “virus scan”, it would be MS “Cooties (Lice) Rinse”
  • Not “config.sys” and ‘autoexec.bat”– but “conjugate w/sis” and “autoparts.bunch”
  • Instead of error tones, misstruck keys would be met with sound of “Aww Sheeit”
  • Solitare would offer choice of “number of players”
  • Icon for mail trashcan shaped like a Dipsey Dumpster.
  • All shapes in Tetris would be same-sized squares.
  • Favorite adult www homepage would involve pictures of “sexy” farm animals.

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