“Papa, wie bin ich auf die Welt gekommen?” “Na gut mein Sohn, irgendwann hätten wir dieses Gespräch führen müssen: Der Papa hat die Mama in einem ‘chatroom’ kennengelernt. Später haben der Papa und die Mama sich in einem ‘cyber café’ getroffen und, auf der Toilette hat die Mama ein paar ‘downloads’ von Papas ‘memory stick’ machen wollen. Als der Papa dann fertig für das ‘uploaden’ war, merkten wir plötzlich, dass wir keine ‘Firewall’ installiert hatten. Leider war es schon zu spät um ‘cancel’ oder ‘escape’ zu drücken und die Meldung ‘Wollen Sie wirklich uploaden?’ hatten wir in den ‘Optionen’ unter ‘Einstellungen’ schon am Anfang gelöscht. Mamas Virenscanner war schon länger nicht ‘upgedateted’ und kannte sich mit Papas ‘blaster-wurm’ nicht so […]
WeiterlesenSchlagwort: Computer
Web Industry Terminology
Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.” Link Rot The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they’re connected to change location or die. Chip Jewelry A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. “I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it’s nothing but chip jewelry.” Crapplet A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin’ crapplet!” Plug-and-Play A new hire who doesn’t need any training. “The new […]
WeiterlesenC Song (Bohemian Rhapsody)
Gesungen zur Musik : Is this the real world? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a LAN-slide No ESC to reality. open(2) your files, Look after your while()s in C; Its just a cheap toy, but dearer than Symphony(tm) With it’s wheezy cough, noisy beep Address clash, little sleep Anything but Windows(tm), Nothing beats class lib’ries to me, To me. Mama, Just killed a RAM Got some static on its pins, Now I don’t see the dust bin, Mama, ‘Write’ had just been run, But now I’ve got to throw it all away Mama, ooooooh, Didn’t mean to make it fry If I’ve no stack to overflow tomorrow, Carry one, carry one, ‘Cause there’s nothing like class lib’ries. Too late, […]
WeiterlesenWrite in C (Let it be)
Gesungen zu : When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: “Write in C.” As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers “Write in C.” Write in C, write in C, Write in C, write in C. LISP is dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, for science it worked flawlessly, Try using it for graphics! Write in C. If you’ve just spent nearly 30 hours Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C. Write in C, write in C, Write In C, yeah, write in C. Only wimps use […]
WeiterlesenSmilies
:-) Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or joking statement since we can’t hear voice inflection over Unix. Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.
WeiterlesenThe Computer Expert’s Glossary
ADA Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, “We had better develop an ADA awareness.” Bug An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of “debugging,” or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed. Cache A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no one is supposed to know is there. Design What you regret not doing later on. Documentation Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English speaking persons. Economies of scale The notion that bigger is better. In particular, that if you want a certain amount […]
WeiterlesenProper Care of Floppie Disks
Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week: Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even. This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access time. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive. “Big” diskettes may be folded and used in “little” disk drives. Never insert a disk into […]
WeiterlesenComputer Sex
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home just as the SUN was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, “She looks user-friendly. I’ll see if she’d like an update tonight.” Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro’s peripherals networking all over the place. He browsed over to her casually, admiring […]
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