H. P. Lovecraft: Halloween in der Vorstadt (Hallowe’en in a Suburb)

Die Kirchtürme sind weiß im streuenden Mondlicht, Und die Bäume tragen einen silbernen Glanz; Hoch über den Schornsteinen sieht man die Vampire fliegen, Und die Harpyien der höheren Sphären, Die flattern und lachen und stieren. Das Dorf liegt wie tot im Lichte des Mondes Niemals erstrahlt in der Dämmerung Schein, Doch ist erwachsen aus der Tiefe der hinscheidenden Jahre Wo die Ströme des Wahnsinns fließen Durch die Klüfte hin zum Abgrund der Träume. Ein frostiger Hauch windet sich durch die Garben, In den im fahlen Licht schimmernden Auen, Und windet sich hinauf, wo die Grabsteine leuchten Und die Ghule des Friedhofs klagen Ihrer Ernten durch Flucht beraubt. Nicht einmal der Odem der fremden grauen Götter des Wandels Der sich selbst […]

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The Perfect Computer

It was love at first sight And I knew we were right. So without hesitation, I never saw a demonstration. But I should have known, that in the end She would cause me such fustration. I took her to my place and threw her on the table. She knew what was ahead, so I hooked up the cables. After a couple of drinks I noticed something odd, It couldn’t be true, she only had a 300 baud. But even though she posed such a fright, I had another drink and thought “what the hell, I’ll take a byte”. When it came time to hook up my input device It was only 3 1/2 inches, but luckily it sufficed. I was […]

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – mit Übersetzung

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen […]

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‘Twas The Night Before Christmas – Microsoft Version

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa’s mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan, And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com – Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa’s workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to […]

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‘Twas The Day After Christmas

‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house Children sat slack-jawed, bored on the couch. Wrappings and toys littered the floor, An incredible mess that I did abhor. With Mom in her robe and I in my jeans, We waded in to get the place clean. When suddenly the doorbell: it started to clatter, I sprang to the Security-View to check out the matter. The new-fallen snow, now blackened with soot, Was trampled and icy and treacherous to foot. But suddenly in view, did I gasp and pant: An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny accountants. The door flew open and in they came, Stern-looking men with bills in my name. On Discover, on Visa, on American Express, […]

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‘Twas The Night Before Christmas – Technical Version

‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous […]

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Politically Correct Santa

‘Twas the night before Christmas and santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So dancer and donner, comet and cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the […]

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What if Dr. Seuss did technical writing?

(You really have to read this one out loud to appreciate it) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your […]

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