Anti UNIX from MS-Windows Lusers

If Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question. Unix is the only virus with a command-interface. How can an operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (VMS)? Unix – the first computer virus. NFS = Nightmare File System. Berkeley is famous for LSD and BSD UNIX. I don’t think that is a coincidence. Sure, the Unix file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is! Friends don’t let … weiterlesen…

Addicted to vi

You press the keys with no effect, Your mode is not correct. The screen blurs, your fingers shake; You forgot to press escape. Can’t insert, can’t delete, Cursor keys won’t repeat. You try to quit, but can’t leave, An extra “bang” is all you need. You think it’s neat to type an “a” or an “i”– Oh yeah? You won’t look at emacs, no you’d just rather die You know you’re gonna have to face it; You’re addicted to vi! You edit … weiterlesen…

rtfm (1) manual page

rtfm(1) UNIX Programmer’s Manual rtfm(1) NAME rtfm – read the fucking manual SYNOPSIS rtfm OPTIONS None, you have to read the manual for an answer. DESCRIPTION Used when lazy people ask stupid questions. Normaly cried out in vain. FILES /dev/null ENVIRONMENT Any. SEE ALSO man(1) DIAGNOSTICS Is an diagnostic. Since you are reading this you are getting the idea. BUGS Ha!

lart (1m) manual page

LART(1M) MISC. REFERENCE MANUAL PAGES LART(1M) NAME lart – Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool – use a lart to adjust lusers’ attitudes SYNOPSIS lart [ –use tool ] [ –bBfFgklp ] <lusername> DESCRIPTION lart adjusts the attitudes of those pesky, clueless people who rely upon their admins for everything from picking their mice off of the floor to turning on their monitors; namely, the luser(8). Running lart with the appropriate arguments will cause the specified luser to run away screaming in agony. Alternatively, … weiterlesen…

knife (8) manual page

KNIFE(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS KNIFE(8) KNIFE knife, axe, cutter, chainsaw – tools to improve network performance via SNIP SYNOPSIS knife is used to control the network via Sysadmin Network Interrupt Protocol [SNIP]. DESCRIPTION Experience has shown that suitable application of these tools on the network can lead to improved network performance, as busy segments of useless traffic can be isolated from the important stuff (and the rest of the world, for that matter). However, care must be taken, otherwise lusers will be complaining … weiterlesen…

hack (1) manual page

HACK(1) User Commands HACK(1) NAME hack – user interface to the HACK protocol (automatically identifying and exploiting weaknesses on a remote host) SYNOPSIS hack [-p] [-l] [-i] [-s minport maxport] [-P] [-h] [-w] [-q] [-L] DESCRIPTION The hack command opens a TCP or LBP connection to a remote host with the intention of locating and exploiting that system’s weaknesses using the HACK protocol. hack is particularly useful for users who desire the glory of hacking but cannot or will not learn UNIX. … weiterlesen…

A little UNIX shell humor

NOTE: % => user must run C-Shell. $ => user must run Bourne-Shell   % rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent   % cd ~god Unknown user: god.   % ar m God ar: God does not exist   % ar r God ar: creating God   % rm God rm: God nonexistent   % scan for <<“Arnold Schwarzenegger”^J^D “Arnold Schwarzenegger”: << terminator not found   % How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence? Unmatched ‘.   % ar x “my love life” ar: … weiterlesen…