Top 10 abgelehnte kostenlose Microsoft Hotlines

#10 +49-800-927-0470 (+49-800-WAS-IS) #9 +49-800-434-0934 (+49-800-GEH-WEG) #8 +49-800-380-3663 (+49-800-DU-DOOF) #7 +49-800-382-4783 (+49-800-DU-BIST-DUMM) #6 +49-800-424-2468 (+49-800-ICH-BIN-TAUB) #5 +49-800-385-6737 (+49-800-DU-LOSER) #4 +49-800-722-5477 (+49-800-SACKGASSE) #3 +49-800-677-7846 (+49-800-MS-STINKT) #2 +49-800-434-9874 (+49-800-GEH-ZUR-HOELLE) Und die Nummer 1 der abgelehnten, kostenlosen Hotline-Nummer des Microsoft technischen Supports lautet… +49-800-936-4683 (+49-800-WEN-INTERESSIERTS) Top 10 rejected toll-free MS technical support number #10 1-888-942-8787 (1-888-WHATS-UP) #9 1-800-840-2929 (1-800-UGO-AWAY) #8 1-800-878-8743 (1-800-U-STUPID) #7 1-800-426-3323 (1-800-UR-SO-STUPID) #6 1-800-426-3323 (1-800-IAM-DEAF) #5 1-888-875-6737 (1-888-UR-LOSER) #4 1-888-332-3363 (1-888-DEAD-END) #3 1-888-677-8257 (1-888-MS-SUCKS) #2 1-800-462-4355 (1-800-GO2-HELL) And the number 1 rejected MS tech. support toll-free number is… 1-800-946-2273 (1-800-WHO-CARE)

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The 12 steps for getting away from Win95 and other MS products

We admitted we were powerless over Microsoft – that our computers had become unmanageable. Came to believe that an Operating System greater than Microsoft’s could restore our computers to sanity. Made a decision to turn our computers over to the care of this new Operating System. Made a searching system inventory of our computers. Admitted to the computer, to ourselves and to another person the exact nature of our bad OS. Were entirely ready to have the superior OS remove all defects of the old one. Humbly asked it to remove Win95’s shortcomings. Made a list of all the computers we harmed with MS products and became willing to make amends to them all. Immediately remove such products from such […]

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If Microsoft was Headquartered in South Georgia

Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in South Georgia Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders Instead of an hourglass icon, you’d get an empty beer bottle Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw” Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos The “Recycle Bin” in Winders ’95 would be an outhouse Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you’d hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling “Freebird!” Instead of “Start Me Up”, the Winders ’95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky Heart PowerPoint would be named “ParPawnt” Microsoft’s programming tools would be “Vishul Basic” and “Vishul C++” Winders 95 […]

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Idiot’s Guide to Windows 95 Ads

Understanding Microsoft Marketing Multitasking: You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting! Built-in Networking: You can crash several PC`s all at once. No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash. Microsoft Network: Connect with other Windows 95 users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized. PnP: Plug and Pray (that it works) Multimedia: Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing. Compatible with existing software: It will also crash your existing software. Increased Productivity: You will need to increase your budget to buy more products like RAM and HardDrives. Better yet, get a new computer! That`s product-ivity. User-Friendly: Picture of clouds State of the Art: Pay for Bill`s […]

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The ABC’s of UNIX

A is for awk which runs like a snail, and B is for biff which reads all your mail. C is for cc as hackers recall, while D is for dd the command that does all. E is for emacs which rebinds your keys, and F is for fsck which rebuilds your trees. G is for grep a clever detective, while H is for halt which may seem defective. I is for indent which rarely amuses, and J is for join which nobody uses. K is for kill which makes you the boss, while L is for lex which is missing from DOS. M is for more from which less was begot, and N is for nice which it really […]

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Die 10 eindeutigsten Anzeichen dafür, dass der Weihnachtsmann Ihr Kind nicht mag

Der Brief Ihres Kindes kommt vom Nordpol mit dem Stempel zurück: “Vergiss es, Peter!” Ihr Kind wünscht sich ein Fahrrad und bekommt eine Schachtel Zigaretten. Neben den Geschenken lässt der Weihnachtsmann eine deftige Rechnung für Porto und Versand zurück. Wenn der Weihnachtsmann zu Ihnen nach Hause kommt, hat er nur noch Styropor-Erdnüsse dabei. Heiligabend. Ihr Kind wacht neben einem Rentierkopf im Bett auf. Statt in der Kategorie “ungezogen” oder “brav”, befindet sich Ihr Kind auf der “schwarzen Liste” des Weihnachtsmanns. Der Weihnachtsmann schickt Ihr Kind auf eine Sauftour mit Ernst August. Wenn Ihr Kind auf dem Schoss des Weihnachtsmanns Platz nimmt, sind die ersten Worte: “Fass meinen Bart an und ich werde Schmerzen über dich kommen lassen.“ Auf allen Spielsachen […]

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Anti UNIX from MS-Windows Lusers

If Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question. Unix is the only virus with a command-interface. How can an operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (VMS)? Unix – the first computer virus. NFS = Nightmare File System. Berkeley is famous for LSD and BSD UNIX. I don’t think that is a coincidence. Sure, the Unix file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is! Friends don’t let friends use Unix. Unix – the ideal operating system for CPU’s that are never powered up. Nothing wrong with Unix that a total redesign and rewrite can not fix. UNIX will be preempted by NT. UNIX doesn’t know […]

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101 Things you do not want your System Administrator to say

Uh-oh… Shit!! What the hell!? Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this… Hey!! The suns don’t do this. Terminated??! What software license? Well, it’s doing something… Wow…. that seemed fast… I got a better job at Lockheed… Management says… Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgetted. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy? It didn’t do that a minute ago… Where’s the GUI on this thing? Damn, and I just bought that pop… Where’s the DIR command? The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver. I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s lots of free space. What’s this “any” key I’m supposed […]

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