Englische Zungenbrecher

für Anfänger: Drei Hexen schauen sich drei Swatch Uhren an. Welche Hexe schaut sich welche Swatch Uhr an? in englischer Sprache: Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watch which swatch watch? für Fortgeschrittene Drei geschlechtsumgewandelte Hexen schauen sich drei Swatch Uhrenknöpfe an. Welche geschlechtsumgewandelte Hexe schaut sich welchen Swatch Uhrenknopf an? in englischer Sprache: Three switched witches watch three swatch switches. Which switched witch watch which swatch watch switch? im Endstadium Drei schweizer Hexen-Schlampen, die sich wünschen geschlechtsumgewandelt zu sein, schauen sich schweizer Swatch Uhrenknöpfe an. Welche schweizer Hexen-Schlampe, die sich wünscht geschlechtsumgewandelt zu sein, schaut sich welche schweizer Swatch Uhrenknöpfe an? in englischer Sprache: Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss witch-bitches, wish to watch […]

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Comparing Programming Languages with Women

Assembler – A female track star who holds all the world speed records. She is hard and bumpy, and so is not that pleasant to embrace. She can cook up any meal, but needs a complete and detailed recipe. She is not beautiful or educated, and speaks in monosyllables like “MOV, JUMP, INC”. She has a fierce and violent temper that make her the choice of last resort. FORTRAN – Your grey-haired grandmother. People make fun of her just because she is old, but if you take the time to listen, you can learn from her experiences and her mistakes. During her lifetime she has acquired many useful skills in sewing and cooking (subroutine libraries) that no younger women can […]

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Microsoft kauft katholische Kirche

Vatikanstadt, 19. Dezember (AP) – In einer Pressekonferenz auf dem Petersplatz hat der US-amerikanische Computergigant Microsoft heute den Erwerb der katholischen Kirche im Austausch gegen eine Beteiligung des Klerus am Firmenkapital angekündigt. Sollte die Transaktion zustandekommen, wäre es das erste Mal, dass eine Softwarefirma eine große Weltreligion erwirbt. Wie Microsoft-Chef Bill Gates mitteilte, soll Papst Johannes Paul II. Leiter der Abteilung Religions-Software des neu gegründeten Konsortiums sein, während die Microsoft-Aufsichtsratsmitglieder Michael Maples und Steven Ballmer im Vatikan zu Kardinälen berufen werden sollen. “Wir erwarten in den nächsten fünf Jahren einen Boom auf dem religiösen Sektor”, sagte Gates auf der Pressekonferenz. “Die vereinten Ressourcen von Microsoft und der katholischen Kirche werden es möglich machen, Religion einfacher, unterhaltender und für ein breites […]

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Terminology used by technicians

Stuffed A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future. Fucked Terminally stuffed. Fuck me dead A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn’t really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment. Fuck it all An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn’t see where it came from, where […]

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The Perfect Computer

It was love at first sight And I knew we were right. So without hesitation, I never saw a demonstration. But I should have known, that in the end She would cause me such fustration. I took her to my place and threw her on the table. She knew what was ahead, so I hooked up the cables. After a couple of drinks I noticed something odd, It couldn’t be true, she only had a 300 baud. But even though she posed such a fright, I had another drink and thought “what the hell, I’ll take a byte”. When it came time to hook up my input device It was only 3 1/2 inches, but luckily it sufficed. I was […]

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The Physics of Cats and Buttered Toast

Question If you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to its back (butter side up of course) which way up would it land? Answer Well Acording to Newtons third law, a force acting upon an object will exert an equal but opposite force on the adjacent object. The cat exerts a force say C on the toast, which in mathematical notation is where C is the Mass of cat. Acording to Murphys law of probabilaty, any event in a constant time frame is said to happen to the inverse of the most preferable. In this case, we have only two possible cases, toast T lands buttered side up or (Inverse probability of toast) landing downward. But […]

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – mit Übersetzung

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen […]

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‘Twas The Night Before Christmas – Microsoft Version

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa’s mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan, And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com – Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa’s workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to […]

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