SEX(6) EUNUCH Programmer’s Manual SEX(6) NAME sex – have sex SYNOPSIS sex [ options ] … [ username ] … DESCRIPTION sex allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) specified in the command line. If no users are specified, they are taken from the LOVERS environment variable. Options to make things more interesting are as follows: -1 masturbate -a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option -b buggery -B<animal> bestiality with <animal> -c chocolate sauce option -C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W) -d<file> get a date with the features described in <file> -e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net) -f foreplay option -F nasal sex with plants -i coitus interruptus (messy!) -j jacuzzi option (California sites only) […]
WeiterlesenKategorie: UNIX und Linux
UNIX: who(1)’s on what(1)?
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX consul: Yes, that’s correct. Customer: No, what is it? UNIX consul: Yes. Customer: So, which is the one? UNIX consul: No. ‘which’ is used to find the program. Customer: Stop this. Who are you? UNIX consul: Use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’. You can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about yoo’. Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code? UNIX consul: Use ‘what’. Customer: That’s what I am trying to find out. Isn’t that true? UNIX consul: No. ‘true’ gives you 0. Customer: Which one? UNIX consul: ‘true’ gives you 0. ‘which programname’ Customer: Let’s get back […]
Weiterlesenbosskill (8) manual page
BOSSKILL(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS BOSSKILL(8) NAME bosskill – send a signal to your boss, or terminate your boss SYNOPSIS bosskill [ -signal ] bossname DESCRIPTION bosskill sends the TERM (terminate, 15) signal to the boss with the specified bossname. If a signal name or number preceded by `-‘ is given as the first argument, that signal is sent instead of terminate. The killed boss must be in the system administrator’s supervisory chain. The following is a list of all signals with names as in the include file <signal.h>: SIGHUP 1 hangup. Forces bossname to re-read his/her job description and figure out that he/she knows squat about sysadmin work or life, in general. SIGINT 2 interrupt. Prevents the bossname from interrupting the sysadmin for one hour. SIGQUIT 3 quit. Causes […]
WeiterlesenAlice in UNIX-Land
Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect that everything was not as it should be. “Program too big to fit in memory,” it read. “Curiouser and curiouser,” she said, “All I did was load fourteen TSRs before starting my word processor. With four megabytes, I wish I could use more than 640K.” At that moment, a small white consultant (a very white consultant) ran across the room. “Oh my coat and necktie,” he said, “I’m going to be late for my appointment. And at one fifty an hour, too.” Before Alice could say anything, he leaped into her monitor and disappeared behind her operating system.
Weiterlesenctluser (8) manual page
CTLUSER(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS CTLUSER(8) NAME ctluser – control lusers SYNOPSIS ctluser [ -h ] [ -m ] command [ argument… ] DESCRIPTION ctluser sends a message to the control channel of a given luser(8) This command can only be run by the sysadmin(1) In the normal mode of behavior, the message is sent to the luser’s brain, which then performs the requested action and sends back a reply with a text message and the exit code for ctluser. If the luser’s brain successfully performed the command, ctluser will exit with a status of zero and print the reply on standard output. The “-m” flag is used to display an MPEG of the results of the given command on the console of the sysadmin(1). Note that this requires the sysadmin(1) […]
WeiterlesenUNIX Witze
UNIX ist das Betriebssystem der Zukunft. – Und das schon seit 30 Jahren. Wissenschaftler wollten wissen, ob Computerstrahlung schädlich ist. Sie sperrten drei Ratten mit einem angeschalteten Computer in einen Käfig, gaben Futter und Wasser zu und ließen das Ganze für eine Woche so stehen. “Und, sind die Ratten krank geworden?” “Nein, aber sie haben drei neue UNIX-Versionen programmiert!”
WeiterlesenLinux Sprüche
(Linux…) Hält, was andere versprechen. Computer würden LINUX kaufen. Lieber ein Pinguin der läuft, als ein Fenster, das hängt… Linux – Wer ehrlich ist zeigt seine Quellen! Linux – damit der Ausnahmefehler nicht zur Regel wird. Warum durch Fenster schauen, wenn die Tür offensteht!?!? Die große Welt paßt nicht durch kleine Fenster – LINUX! LINUX – und Dein PC macht nie wieder “blau”!! Mach das Fenster zu! … Dem Pinguin wird kalt! Während man in Redmond noch bootet, wird in Villa Pinguin schon gearbeitet… Linux – Warten koennen Sie woanders. Ist der neu? – Nein, da ist Linux drauf! … oder haben SIE einen Rasenmähermotor in Ihrem Sportwagen?! Echte Freunde kann man nicht kaufen. Lieber lachende Pinguine als tanzende Büroklammern. […]
WeiterlesenCall 1-900-ALL-UNIX
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 92 4:30:4 EDT Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: jon@chopin.udel.edu (Jon Deutsch) Subject: 1-900-ALL-UNIX SunOS% finger deutsch@chopin.udel.edu [chopin.udel.edu] Login name: jon In real life: Jonathan R Deutsch Directory: /home/brahms/usrc/10517 Shell: /bin/tcsh On since Jan 30 16:15:10 on ttypf from chapel-ts4.udel. No unread mail Project: To consult where no man has consulted before. Plan: *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Call 1-900-ALL-UNIX *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Talk 1-on-1 to a REAL Sun workstation. ————————————– -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= No recordings. No AIX. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= It’s the REAL THING. Call NOW, they’re waiting for YOUR call. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ […]
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