Software Testing

During a particularly long and painful about of REGRESSION TESTING our application software, my buddies and I came up with this list of other types of testing we’d like not to see: AGRESSION TESTING: If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna kill somebody. COMPRSSION TESTING: [] CONFESSION TESTING: Okay, Okay, I did program that bug. CONGRSSIONAL TESTING: Are you now, or have you ever been a bug? DEPRESSION TESTING: If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna kill myself. EGRESSION TESTING: Uh-oh, a bug… I’m outta here. DIGRESSION TESTING: Well, it works, but can I tell you about my truck… EXPRESSION TESTING: #@%^&*!!!, a bug. OBSESSION TESTING: I’ll find this bug if it’s the last thing I do. OPRESSION TESTING: Test this now! […]

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Drug Dealers vs. Software Developers

Drug dealers Software developers Refer to their clients as „users“ Refer to their clients as „users“ „The first one’s free!„ „Download a free trial version…„ Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff) Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code) Strange jargon: „Stick,“ „Rock,“ „Dime bag,“ „E“ Strage jargon: „SCSI,“ „RTFM,“ „Java,“ „ISDN“ Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market Job is assisted by the industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, faster machines Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers Often seen in the company of marketing people and […]

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The Ten Comandments for C Programmers

Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine. Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee at its end. Thou shalt cast all function arguments to the expected type if they are not of that type already, even when thou art convinced that this is unnecessary, lest they take cruel vengeance upon thee when thou least expect it. If thy header files fail to declare the return types of thy library functions, thou shalt declare them thyself with the most meticulous care, lest grievous harm befall thy program. Thou shalt check the array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for surely where […]

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Declaration of a Software Professional

/* Declaration of a Software Professional */ class CSoftwareProfessional { private: double salary; long lunches; float jobs; char unstable; void * work; private: complex UpdateSkills(); long DownloadPictures(); long PlayNetworkGames(CSoftwareProfessional&OtherProfessional); public: short PaintTheManagers(); virtual void WorkDuringDay() = 0; long SendMails(); long ReceiveMails(); long Send(CPictures&Pictures); long Send(CJokes&Jokes); };

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C+- (pronounced „C More or Less“)

Unlike C++, C+- is a subject oriented language. Each C+- class instance known as a subject, holds hidden members, known as prejudices or undeclared preferences, which are impervious preferences, which are impervious to outside messages, as well as public members known as boasts or claims. The following C operators are overridden as shown: > better than < worse than > much better than << forget it ! not on your life == comparable, other things being equal

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Software Metrics

The software engineering community has been placing a great deal of emphasis lately on metrics and their use in software development. The following metrics are probably among the most valuable for a software project: The Pizza Metric How: Count the number of pizza boxes in the lab. What: Measures the amount of schedule under-estimation. If people are spending enough after-hours time working on the project that they need to have meals delivered to the office, then there has obviously been a mis-estimation somewhere. The Aspirin Metric How: Maintain a centrally-located aspirin bottle for use by the team. At the beginning and end of each month, count the number of aspirin remaining aspirin in the bottle. What: Measures stress suffered by […]

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Y0K Problem

Introduction A very important Latin email dating from the year 2BC has been discovered hanging from a cold, dark, undiscovered strand of the world wide web. Archaeological experts at a prestigious London university have confirmed its authenticity. The world’s best Latin scholars have colloborated to provide the following translation, and have requested immediate world-wide distribution of this important document.

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